Jokes on me

After a week of self loathing,pity parties and treating myself like (lets quote my eloquint son here) a poopy douche.....you can borrow it if ya want, it is kinda catchy......I would like to take some time to reflect on the ridiculous sites that I visit when I need a good laugh........... DRUM ROLL PLEASE!!!

• http://www.bloggess.com/     This woman is a great comic who will pull at your heart strings when you least expect it. I strive for her ability to say whatever, and I mean WHATEVER she is thinking.If you visit her, site she also has a sex advice column that should not be missed.
• http://www.gothsinhotweather.com/  as a kid of the 80s decade who listened to hardcore and had many a bad hair do. I just can't help but show some love to my goth peeps!
• http://www.peopleofwalmart.com/   I think the name of the site says it all . Feeling down? Blue? Having a one man pity party ?....than this is the site for you!http://www.fuckyeahmotherhood.com/   Need I say more?        
•  http://www.poorlydressed.com/   Again...need I say one more word?

 Go visit these sites and please, let me know what you think. Do you have a favorite site to visit when you need a laugh?... DO TELL!

The tea made me do it!

        Can I procrastinate or what? My last post was back in.........back in.....well, lets just say it's been a while. It's not as if I've done nothing... I have!... I've been learning and finding all sorts of new tricks about blogging .Lately though, it seems like the little whispers the universe sends out to us to nudge us down the right path, have been slowly building to a roar. This topped off with the continuous encouragements and kind reminders from my BFF and my family to get to it.
        I think, or I should say, I KNOW why I have shied away from my blog. It's because I have not practiced any of what I have preached in my last post. Not only have I not lost a single pound, I have barely exercised and I am still hanging with that bitchy inner critic chick. I have even given her a promotion with a laptop, free wi-fi, and her very own twitter account. That way she can keep me updated on my sad sorry state in real time.

        While practicing one of my favorite procrastination exercises (surfing the web) I checked out this fellow blogger site. I had discovered her while reading a magazine (another fantastic distraction) called Artful Blogging. Her blog "Life Set to Words" is stunning. I was struck by a post she had written about a quote she had read on a yogi tea bag .
                                             -Whatever you are doing is the most beautiful thing.

        I love that quote. It reminded me that all we do moment by moment is important. Even those not so memorable or honorable ones. It reminds me that denial and procrastination are just the kind of fuel that lil' Mrs. critic bitch need to fuel my fear of failure fire....or is it fear of success ? I am still not so sure about that one. What I am sure about, is that I need to shake that stuff off. Tell that critic women to shut the hell up , feel the fear and then do it any way.

        The events of my morning really sums up the whispering to screaming universe thing I talked about earlier.

•         6:30 am . Sat down with morning coffee at the computer to check in with my facebook peeps. My BFF has left me a comment on my post the night before telling me she got a kick out of it and said, I quote "you should get back to blogging already!"
•         9 am. My hubbie calls during his coffee break. While we were chatting he says " that is SO true, you should put that in your blog."
•         10:30 am. (this is the cherry on the screaming universe cake) I make my mid morning cup of tea. When I flip the tag I have to laugh.......

                                            - Whatever you are doing is the most beautiful thing.   

        OK ...OK ... I get the hint!... I drank my tea.... picked up my pen and began to write.                          
       

                                    

Changing Spaces

      In May of 2008 I attended a writing retreat at Kripalu Yoga and retreat center. I took a workshop with SARK. She is a favorite of mine and the weekend was an adventure.The workshop was based on her book " Juicy Pens Thirsty Paper". I met with all sorts of exciting women and a few even braver men (if I remember correctly the ratio was 2/30) anywho? I learned allot about myself that weekend.
    I realized how little I allowed myself the time to be creative. I learned to sit alone with my thoughts and how much fun it was to write and share. I also learned how I let my perfectionist ego get in the way. I am constantly fighting with myself, second-guessing every thing to death. I think it’s my favorite form of procrastination.
This lil'ol' blog thing has been a great lesson for that. I have had to learn that changes are just a point and a click of the mouse away and nothing is set in stone. I just have to put it out there. Let it go. The world will not blow up if the color of your header is not just so and I do not have to be The Bloggess (one of my new favorite people I wanna be when I grow up. This list also includes Tina Fay and Beyonce. I have ADD what can I say, I'm fickle) over night. The blog can grow with me. Not to mention I have had to learn to be patient with the process. I have dial up internet (scandalous, I know!) so I cannot always do the work I want when I have the time or If I do needless to say, It's slow going.
Along the way I have started a great online community. I am hearing from people all over the country. All who started out in the same place as I have. They are all teaching me allot. Its great the amazing support that is out there and those that are happy to share in their experience. It is funny how just a simple thing like a comment or a new "follower" will make my day.
I also have to remember the rest of my life. Sometimes when I get on a "creative roll" I get a little anti -social. I just wanna hide and get away from every thing. That is my new fantasy and goal. Iwant a creative space for me to spread out. A quiet and occasionally loud (gotta have tunes) space that is all MINE.A child/hubby free area of meeeeenessness....AHHHHHHH! Calgon TAKE ME AWAY! Do you have a space like this? Where do you go?

Whats the worst that can happen?

I am now officially the proud parent of a high school student. Now I know what you’re saying, it’s not like this is some enormous shock or surprise. I’ve seen it coming for a while now but ….. Really?!? Now?!? Already?!? Didn’t he just learn to tie his shoes last week? I mean you can’t really let him drive a car soon?…Can you?…Right?……*sigh*
Both my children a son who is 14, and a daughter who is 7, are fearless kids .Watching them grow up has been a rush. My son starting high school has made me thankful for my daughter’s playful 2nd grade activities. I’ve been thinking a lot about what it was like when I went to high school and all the exciting and sometimes dangerous situations and experiences I went through at that time. That in it self could explain the slight terror I feel being a parent to one. Especially one who is an adrenalin junkie like my father was, and still is. I myself was deprived of the adrenalin gene. I don’t even like to stand on a chair where as my son ,cannot WAIT till he is 16 so he can sky dive .Now before you tell me I am crazy to let him sky dive I will say this. I would bet that far more 16 year old boys die each year from sexting than die sky diving. I admire his zest for life and the guts he has to try those kinds of things.
All this has made me think back to when I was a sophomore in high school. My favorite teacher, Mr. Tobin had asked the class “Who in here thinks of themselves as an artist?” Shockingly, me the girl in the back wearing all black looking like what might happen if Cyndi Lauper and Ziggy Star Dust had a secret love child, raises my hand and say” I am.” He then proceeded to tell the class how he thought that being an artist took a lot of courage. Artist of all kinds put there heart and soul into a piece and put it all out there for the world to critique. I have to admit that this statement has really stuck with me through the years. I think the most daring thing I have done recently is wear my bathing suit to the beach. I have become a HUGE CHICKEN SHIT!!
Fear can rob you of so much. It is something that I have used as an excuse not to do new things. I certainly am not that brave artist that I use to be. I remember the first time my son signed up for the talent show at his school. My first instinct was to talk him out of it. What if you fail? What if the other kids made fun of him? My intension was to save him from embarrassment or heartache but at the same time I would be robbing him from the whole experience. The talent show turned out to be adorable of coarse and still has always been one of my favorite school shows to attend. My children have reminded me the joy you can fell at taking risks and trying new things. Now don't think I am going to go throwing my self out of a plane any time soon or bungee jumping the Grande Canyon. I am simply going to pursue my love of writing and even more importantly making people laugh.I am not sure what direction it will all take I just know this is where it will start. This blog is MY bungee jump, letting people into my world and opening it all up to you and your comments (please make comments, I’ll even accept a snide one here or there) I am challenging that inner critic . That fear of not just sucking at it but doing all in public. What have you let fear or judgments stop you from pursuing? What would you try if you thought know one was looking? What steps do you need take to do these things? Just take the first step! I dare you!